So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
