i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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