sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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