I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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