Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
