You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
