ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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