I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
