hell yes lets make some ravioli
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
