Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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