the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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