Fine. I'll sleep in my office
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
