How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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