Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize