first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The uberlube is also flammable
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
