so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
