I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
