meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
