WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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