Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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