I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
