So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
