finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
