and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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