she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
