he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He did a backflip because drugs
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize