so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
