Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
we're making bets on your personal life
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
