Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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