Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
