We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
