He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
