Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize