the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
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