It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize