it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
