Porn is love you can see.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
