She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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