I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize