Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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