You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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