saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
