What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
