People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
