I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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