I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
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