put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
