Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
