im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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