I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Watching her eat just hurts me
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Randomize
