how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
