I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
