I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
