things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
