Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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