So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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