Me too!
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
did you just send me my own nude
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
