i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
