Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
