he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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