Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
