This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
sex in a hospital.. check
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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