i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
