You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
