I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
