Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
