going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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