dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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