Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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