Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
