I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
