I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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