She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
That's how pantless uber rides happen
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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