3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Someone came in the potted fern
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Bring me that man meat
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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